100 thoughts on “Navigating narcissistic family drama

  1. Is narcissism – Cluster B Personality Disorder part of the wider Autism spectrum. Autism is a recognised genetic disease that shows up in DNA…

  2. My sister! OMG, we were all there waiting for her. See, she'd been in an accident months before and we were all so worried about her still (bc she loved to tell us nothing). I had travelled far and had not come to my father's more than 2 times since he'd married again, after my mom had died, so for that alone, it was a big deal, all of us together. I didn't want to be there but I went to mend fences and to not be the one on the outside looking in. Well my sister the N rolled in 2 hours late for Christmas eve festivities, all in a commotion, like a queen would enter a room, and then all eyes, all conversation was on her and about her and why she was late, everyone else's fault. Of course she had a fight with her boyfriend and went running out of the house in the middle of the night, did not want to go for her blood work, as prescribed, which really got my dad worked up, which she liked (they are both sick that way, feeding off of each other like a married couple), got all of us trying to help her somehow and the rest of us completely forgotten, overridden because she was the main one, not us, not the family as a whole, not me who'd travelled so far, nor my nephews who I'd rarely seen, or any of us, it was all her. I've never participated again, and never will.

  3. My sister-in-law came to town with my brother over Thanksgiving. I had to excuse myself from the Thanksgiving dinner and her life. I no longer will spend any time with her.

    I'm sorry I had to put my brother in the situation of defending her but I needed to take care of myself. Just had get her out of my life as she too toxic to be around.

    Their son grew up The Golden child and has failed to launch and I feel for him. It was upsetting watching how his mother interacted with him when I visited there house last year.

  4. It's good she mentioned covet narcissist being over opinionated I've see that happen. There's also the smug people.who have to be important and enjoy to e superior and perfect. And power trip if people are being rude or doing something wrong. Just keep it polite and don't take them seriously it will take a way their power.

  5. Arguing is identity? lol What are we, kids who can't disagree in peace or who are intolerant to dissent? Yes.. winning the argument is pushing your dissatisfaction on others to escape. It's I am an inferior child who does NOT know truth, but I've pushed my Venom on others and in that bullish rant I've made it true. Yes.. make big Good Ego habits of your own which they can't touch and stick to it. Then don't be over sensitive about the fit throwing brats because they will give their misconduct more power than what it has to begin with.

  6. I don't think you're explaining the seriousness of these personality disorders greatly enough! The damages they cause everyone! ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–คFinancial, emotional, lifestyle, health damages! Narcissists get away with way too much that's the problem! And not only does it hurt other people they aren't doing any good for themselves either!

  7. You shouldn't even be in the same environment with these jerk's ! That's not why we are here on earth to put up with jerk's ! It's time to WAKE UP and start paying closer attention to our environment's !!!๐Ÿ™„ Humanโ€™s all have RIGHTโ€™s!!! Not just Narcissistโ€™s, not just certain groups, certain families, certain religions or gangster cults which is what they really are in my opinion!!! Why do you think religious people walk around knocking on peopleโ€™s doors trying to push their religion on people!

  8. Pretty much everyone on one side of my family is narcissistic.

    This year, my grandpa won't go out to a restaurant anymore (yes, we did family reunions at restaurants because nobody wanted to cook ever since my grandma died). Now, my grandpa's "inability" to leave his house shouldn't be a problem in a normal family. We could just have dinner at my grandpa's place, BUT… Here comes the issue:

    My uncle and my aunt do not want to do anything at my grandpa's place. I offered to cook, since I enjoy cooking, so the problem is not that nobody offered. Or perhaps they think I can't cook delicious food because I'm in my 20s and my diet is mainly veggetarian.

    Anyhow, they didn't explain much, they only said my grandpa is not in the right condition to do anything (whatever that's supposed to mean!). The one thing he can surely do is eat and enjoy some company, but ok. He is in his early stages of Alzheimers, for God's sake, it's not like he cannot move at all! In fact, he could go outside with us and nothing would happen to him. They just don't want to be there because he annoys them.

    Point is: I won't be seeing my uncle, my aunt and my cousin for Christmas. My father is the only one who insisted on staying with his father and having dinner at his place. It's sad that he doesn't do it for his father but for himself, though. And he won't even allow me to cook. He has decided that *we will all eat the canned food he already bought, without asking. They all want to have it their way in his family. They are all disgustingly selfish.

    *By "we will all eat the canned food he already bought", I mean "my mom, my father (WHO ACTUALLY ABANDONED US AND LIVES ON HIS OWN BUT PLAYS HAPPY FAMILY EVERY XMAS), my grandfather and I".

    I should've gone abroad with my boyfriend's family. I am so happy with him. I am blessed to have him after my sociopathic ex. I feel like I won the lottery with him. Him and my hope for a better life are the only two things that keep me pushing through life. Fuck stupid family members. Family are the people you choose to keep close.

  9. Before when my family would actually go to christmas with my parents, my mother the covert narc would play Santa and hand out the gifts to open to everyone else and yell if we didn't open fast enough and keep on schedule. She would save all her gifts till the end and make us watch her open them. Which would cause my dad the overt narc to poke fun and make antagonistic jibes at her, getting her to yell at him and really everyone for the rest of the day. But thankfully we aren't around that anymore, this christmas will be two years no contact after a different christmas blowup at Disney world.

  10. You once said that one can try arriving late and leaving early for the family gathering I think that what I will do

  11. Omg everything has resonated and been 100% accurate and great advice itโ€™s hard in beginning but it does get easier and easier to follow through (ur true North) ๐Ÿฅฐ

  12. I just love your videos!!! You are Wonderful and your input is necessary in my life, I THANK YOU, and have a beautiful Christmas and Happy New year to you and yours!!!

  13. Now that I've been away from my controlling narcissists, conniving, dysfunctional family for 15 years. I've learned two things, they're not the only mean people in the world. and two Free at last, thank GOD o mighty I'm FREE at last. Shit! damn.

  14. It is not about politics. Listen what they say and analyze it from a psychological point of view. To value a conversation it is mostly necessary to have a lot of scientific knowledge. All narcissist either have a psychopathic or a sociophathic origin and as follows an impaired judgement. Fantasies of all kind transformed to politics. They believe their ideas can solve their mental issues or even save the world. As a matter different politics are many times derived from the different narcissistic traits. For this reason it is impossible to discuss anything with them. A narcissist already knows all there is to know. Even if someone is on the same view doesn't matter. The other want narcissistic supply, then the fight is on.

    There are many good humans. Get along with them instead wasting your only life on jerks.

  15. Thank you Dr Romani. Sucked down into the mud!……so true. So many brilliant points that resonate with my experience. Great advice…..just glueing my True North needle now! Sue C ๐Ÿ‘

  16. What if your parent uses your young childs love for them against you when they are around? Its like a battle to get my own child back, seems no contact for the holidays is the only way

  17. My sister-in-law (my husband's brother's wife) hosts Xmas at their house every year. This is how the day goes…my husband's family gets put at one table, and her family sits at another table with her husband. We then have to watch her wash dishes for 2 hours while everyone has to deal with her playing the victim (even though the other women are pitching in to help). Then she hands out presents that everyone brought while putting her presents behind her, so we all have to watch her open all her presents at the end while everyone is completely focused on her She sends an email out as far as the invitation and calls what food we need to bring, our assignments.
    I went to her house a few years ago to offer my help getting her house ready, here are the two "assignments she gave me, clean the bathrooms and wrap all of her presents. I then made a gingersnap dip and she never brought it out. The whole time she is calling her husband (he was at work) every name in the book and yelling at her kids.

  18. This is not a Xmas story, but I think it will help explain the narcissist I described in my earlier comment. My husband and I were going through IVF and it wasn't working. My narcissist sister-in-law told me when she became pregnant with her second child probably the most bizarre and nasty comment I have ever heard. My parents were coming to Ohio that week from Missouri, and she literally told me the reason they didn't want to tell me about her being pregnant had nothing to do with know we were trying. She said she knew my parents were coming to visit, and she didn't want my mom to be mad at me for not being pregnant, and spend all her time with her. It amazes me how someone can actually think like that. Well, I think this will give everyone a chuckle…We were called to adopt a newborn little girl right after Xmas and took her home from the hospital. She had 5 sonograms with her second child (they already had a son), and they were told she carrying a baby girl. She had her baby the end of January and she delivered a boy (I love my nephews dearly).

  19. i'm so glad my family is small, close knit and unselfish, we never have any issues, and we have no time for any of that narcissistic rubbish, we have similar views which helps, FYI my true no5rth is the best true North it's Jesus his peace is awesome

  20. I wish I had known this when my grandmother was still alive. I'm sure she saw the gaslighting but wouldn't intervene bc she was so sweet she just wanted everybody to get along. I didn't understand the gas lighting then so I'm letting myself off the hook.

  21. How young must a child be to be a "cure-able" narcissist? I know children are naturally narcissistic, but how to "nip it in the bud"?

  22. What's terrifying to me is when people watch these videos and suddenly think it's okay to loosely fling words like "narcissist" around without any credentials. It has taken over the internet. Just because your family member decides to ignore your constant analysis doesn't make them a narcissist. Save it for the pros.

  23. My take-away after listening to this…two very important points….#1 Donโ€™t engage & #2 Focus on your own true North. I will try to remember both in order to cope not just with narcissists but with all the nonsense that can go on within families. Even if you love people and they say they love you the kindest thing we can all do is to get along as well as possible.

  24. I think this is great advice because, for some of us, we have to realize that the holidays often comprise the bulk of our yearly vacation, after which we may return to the workplace, filled with stress โ€” including other narcissists and their enablers. In the workplace, you may not be able to mitigate the issues, but with family, sometimes, you can, including not being available at all…

  25. This is excellent advice, thank you! I love the idea of focusing on a family member that may need a little assistance, and avoiding toxic people in as much as possible. Playing with the kids and their new toy is also a lot of fun!! Merry Christmas everyone, may it be filled with love, peace and joy ๐Ÿ˜Š

  26. Hi Doctor! I'm a new subscriber. I love your videos, they helped me a lot in understanding my past. Can you make a video on how a child become narcissist? Because I want to know how both my parents became that.

  27. The Holiday Outllaws's been there,A lot of the bull was disguised as hilarity etc,Then my ex would get into a criminal type debrief after wards,a toatle

  28. After many years of getting the family together and hosting Christmas, playing Santa, cooking and putting food on the table for a bunch of narcissists only to cry myself to sleep every single year.. this year is the first year Iโ€™ve decided to stay home without any guests, without toxicity. Itโ€™s the first time Iโ€™ve looked forward to Christmas. A nice, perfect and peaceful one. Letโ€™s just hope I donโ€™t get any unwanted door knocks ๐Ÿคž the door is permanently shut anyway. I come first! Merry Christmas everyone!

  29. In my family there are narcissists. OK. But I have also discovered 3 really bad codependents in my circles of people, who enable narcissism, allow others to treat them badly and then they try to fix their self-esteem on other people by acting like they are superior (cooks, etc) – NO validation from them either. Its also about them – about how they sacrifice and then about how they are better than others. That also puts a damper of family gatherings. There is a difference though – when you engage them on a deep emotional level (talk about human suffering, etc), you can see the empathy even though sometimes they are totally silent and although they often use this to act superior too, but you can see the empathy – Sometimes they act controlling and superior in order to try and fix other peoples problems, as if only they know the right thing to do. So many different types of people.

  30. When I come in contact with the toxic/narcissistic people in my life (try to minimize it), I try to plan time, so that I leave their vicinity and get away at a reasonable hour and then go for a walk to process all the energy of the emotions that their toxicity evokes. Emotions are after all "energy in motion", so I walk off that energy, so I can feel better and fall asleep that night.

  31. Very chilling and therapeutic to hear. This got me thinking about National Lampponโ€™s Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase on AMC. Having to deal with difficult family members or bosses who may be narcissistic feels like being thrown into a snake pit.

    I know this may be off topic, I hope in the you can make a series of webisodes about narcissist characters, past or present, from movies or television:

    -American Psycho.

    -Sunset Boulevard

    -The Dressmaker

    -Knives Out

    -Addams Family Values

    -Difficult People

    -30 Rock
    -All in the family

    These are just a few film examples and I hope anyone can google them for ideas. Hereโ€™s hoping that anyone likes the idea and if they have their own characters from movies or television that are narcissistic.

  32. I just can't get my family to understand my new narcissistic bride, what a bummer man~

    I wish you narcissistic Christma
    I wish you a narcissistic Christmas and a pompus New Year!

  33. Last Christmas I was taunted, bullied, and lectured on partisan politics by my brother. We had battled 4 hours of traffic, brought dinner, gifts, cleaned up for my elderly mom (also a narc) and the big thank you was a monologue on how I am an idiot in front of entire family. I said NOT ONE word and vowed to create only positive memories for my college age daughters for future holidays. This year we are home and enjoying Christmas drama free. We extended an invite to my mom, providing transportation to come to us (she declined ).We ALL felt trapped during that horrible monologue and although most of that day was very fun, the last few minutes ruined the entire 2018 Christmas. I donโ€™t think he made the connection between our absence this year and his misbehavior, probably never will. Itโ€™s not my problem. I have learned from you that it is all about boundaries!! Thank you for your wisdom. Dr Ramani, happy holidays.

  34. My birthday is on the 31st and I will be 21 this year. Every year I have not had an enjoyable birthday because my narc mom made it all about her and what she wants. This year I told her I wasn't spending my birthday here. She quickly got annoyed and said "WE WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU ON YOUR BIRTHDAY". I responded with "Its my birthday so it's about me and I'm going to do what I want. I can celebrate with you guys the day before". Then she tried to act like she was happy for me. She says "I'm SO happy you're spending your birthday with friends. You NEVER spend your birthday with friends". I could tell she was trying to imply that I had no friends by saying this. I'm so glad I'm going to do what I want on my birthday for the first time. I'm actually excited. The only reason why I'm agreeing to celebrate with my family the day before is so I could be with my father, not her.

  35. When I was pregnant they started on me saying you were the luckiest etc and I shocked them with an answer / reply Yes ok I was if you say I was and that's why I know what I'm missing .they just went quiet

  36. I have narcissistic family members that like Trump. They are completely uninformed of his crimes and abuses and completely uninterested in learning the facts. They gaslight me when I attempt to share factual information with them. They tell me that my need to be right is my problem.

  37. This is good advice but seems to contradict the recent video that says it's right sometimes to call them out. Maybe the moral is that an Xmas gathering isn't the time & place to do it.

  38. This will be my second Christmas away from my toxic, alcoholic, narcissistic family of origin. I cut ties with them (including both siblings and their significant others) last Christmas. I always had to rearrange my schedule so my mother could get away with having me conform with her and my sister's schedules. They never once rearranged their schedules to fit with mine, and they were always making excuses as to why they never came to visit me. When I stood up to them, they always started gaslighting. I told them that they could forget about me and exclude me from the Secret Santa because they never included me any other time of the year. I always had to go see them, they never took the time to come and visit me. I had enough. My True North is my work. I'm a full-time Personal Support Worker and I work the Evening shift in a Retirement Home. I used to cry on the way home from my parents' place because visiting my family of origin zapped any energy I had. More often than not, I found myself leaving that house angry. So I decided to cut ties with them and focus on my work and my companion animals (I have 2 rescued feral cats). I've never felt better. Thank you, Dr. Ramani for your work. Happy holidays.

  39. Nope, not going to any family parties. Donโ€™t have time, might kill someone this time so I will ghost forever. If a real family member needs to talk to they will have my number.

  40. ๐“œ๐”‚ ๐“”๐“ง-๐“ท๐“ช๐“ป๐“ฌ ๐“ช๐“ต๐”€๐“ช๐”‚๐“ผ ๐“ฝ๐“ป๐“ฒ๐“ฎ๐“ผ ๐“ฝ๐“ธ ๐“ป๐“พ๐“ฒ๐“ท ๐“ฎ๐“ฟ๐“ฎ๐“ป๐”‚๐“ธ๐“ท๐“ฎ'๐“ผ ๐“ฐ๐“ธ๐“ธ๐“ญ ๐“ฝ๐“ฒ๐“ถ๐“ฎ ๐“ผ๐“ฒ๐“ถ๐“น๐“ต๐”‚ ๐“ซ๐“ฎ๐“ฌ๐“ช๐“พ๐“ผ๐“ฎ ๐“ฝ๐“ฑ๐“ฎ ๐“ฑ๐“ธ๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ญ๐“ช๐”‚ ๐“ฒ๐“ผ ๐“ท๐“ธ๐“ฝ ๐“ฌ๐“ฎ๐“ต๐“ฎ๐“ซ๐“ป๐“ช๐“ฝ๐“ฒ๐“ท๐“ฐ ๐“ฃ๐“—๐“”๐“œ!
    ๐“˜'๐“ฟ๐“ฎ ๐“ฌ๐“ธ๐“ถ๐“ฎ ๐“ฝ๐“ธ ๐“ป๐“ฎ๐“ช๐“ต๐“ฒ๐”ƒ๐“ฎ ๐“ฝ๐“ฑ๐“ฒ๐“ผ. ๐“˜ ๐”€๐“ช๐“ผ ๐“ช๐“ฌ๐“ฌ๐“พ๐“ผ๐“ฎ๐“ญ ๐“ธ๐“ฏ ๐“ผ๐“ต๐“ฎ๐“ฎ๐“น๐“ฒ๐“ท๐“ฐ ๐”€๐“ฒ๐“ฝ๐“ฑ ๐”€๐“ฑ๐“ธ๐“ป๐“ฎ๐“ผ ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ญ ๐“ป๐“ช๐“ท๐“ญ๐“ธ๐“ถ ๐”€๐“ธ๐“ถ๐“ฎ๐“ท ๐“ฒ๐“ท ๐“ฏ๐“ป๐“ธ๐“ท๐“ฝ ๐“ธ๐“ฏ ๐“ธ๐“พ๐“ป ๐“ฌ๐“ฑ๐“ฒ๐“ต๐“ญ๐“ป๐“ฎ๐“ท, ๐”€๐“ฑ๐“ฒ๐“ต๐“ฎ ๐“ผ๐“ฒ๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ฒ๐“ท๐“ฐ ๐“—๐“ช๐“น๐“น๐”‚ ๐“‘๐“ฒ๐“ป๐“ฝ๐“ฑ๐“ญ๐“ช๐”‚ ๐“ฝ๐“ธ ๐“ธ๐“พ๐“ป 2 ๐”‚๐“ฎ๐“ช๐“ป ๐“ธ๐“ต๐“ญ ๐“ญ๐“ช๐“พ๐“ฐ๐“ฑ๐“ฝ๐“ฎ๐“ป!
    ๐“๐“ธ๐”€ ๐“˜ ๐“ช๐“ป๐“ป๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ฎ ๐“ฝ๐“ธ ๐“ฌ๐“ฎ๐“ต๐“ฎ๐“ซ๐“ป๐“ช๐“ฝ๐“ฎ ๐“ธ๐“ฌ๐“ฌ๐“ช๐“ผ๐“ฒ๐“ธ๐“ท๐“ผ ๐“ช๐“ฝ ๐“ญ๐“ฒ๐“ฏ๐“ฏ๐“ฎ๐“ป๐“ฎ๐“ท๐“ฝ ๐“ฝ๐“ฒ๐“ถ๐“ฎ๐“ผ.
    ๐“ข๐“ธ ๐“ฌ๐“ช๐“ท ๐“ฎ๐“ฟ๐“ฎ๐“ป๐”‚๐“ธ๐“ท๐“ฎ ๐“ฐ๐“พ๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ผ ๐”€๐“ฑ๐“ช๐“ฝ ๐“ฝ๐“พ๐“ป๐“ท๐“ฎ๐“ญ ๐“ธ๐“พ๐“ฝ ๐“ซ๐“ฎ๐“ฒ๐“ท๐“ฐ ๐“ฝ๐“ฑ๐“ฎ ๐“ฝ๐“ป๐“พ๐“ฝ๐“ฑ ๐“ฏ๐“ป๐“ธ๐“ถ ๐“ฑ๐“ฎ๐“ป ๐“ช๐“ฌ๐“ฌ๐“พ๐“ผ๐“ช๐“ฝ๐“ฒ๐“ธ๐“ท?
    ๐“จ๐“ฎ๐“ผ, ๐“ฒ๐“ฝ ๐“ฝ๐“พ๐“ป๐“ท๐“ฎ๐“ญ ๐“ธ๐“พ๐“ฝ ๐“ผ๐“ฑ๐“ฎ ๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ฌ๐“ธ๐“ป๐“ฝ๐“ผ ๐“ฑ๐“ฎ๐“ป๐“ผ๐“ฎ๐“ต๐“ฏ ๐“ฏ๐“ธ๐“ป ๐“ฎ๐”๐“ฝ๐“ป๐“ช ๐“ฌ๐“ช๐“ผ๐“ฑ ๐”€๐“ฑ๐“ฎ๐“ท ๐“ผ๐“ฑ๐“ฎ'๐“ผ ๐“๐“ž๐“ฃ ๐”€๐“ช๐“ฒ๐“ฝ๐“ป๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ผ๐“ฒ๐“ท๐“ฐ!!
    ๐“ฃ๐“ฑ๐“ฎ๐”‚ ๐“ญ๐“ธ ๐”€๐“ฒ๐“ท๐“ญ ๐“พ๐“น ๐“ฝ๐“ฎ๐“ต๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ท๐“ฐ ๐“ธ๐“ท ๐“ฝ๐“ฑ๐“ฎ๐“ถ๐“ผ๐“ฎ๐“ต๐“ฟ๐“ฎ๐“ผ ๐“ผ๐“พ๐“ซ๐“ฌ๐“ธ๐“ท๐“ผ๐“ฌ๐“ฒ๐“ธ๐“พ๐“ผ๐“ต๐”‚ , ๐“ข๐“ž ๐“ฃ๐“ก๐“ค๐“”!
    ๐“ฃ๐“ฑ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ด ๐”‚๐“ธ๐“พ ๐““๐“ป. ๐“ก๐“ช๐“ถ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฒ!

  41. My brother – in law made a joke about buying my child in the military a kevlar vest because sheโ€™d probably be killed. I lit into him. Told him if he didnโ€™t shut the eff up, he could leave right then and there. But that was his pattern, always find something to cause trouble. When my mother in law and sister in law passed away, my husband and children did not want him around anymore. So when we get together itโ€™s just our little family.
    Though now we have a son in law who says things for shock factor, to get a reaction. Makes joking insults towards us and our daughter, who is his wife. We ignore, but I do want to save my daughter. The last time we saw them, I was feeling sick but we drove the distance. When we arrived the idiot, walked out to the car and told me I didnโ€™t look good and smiled about it. I told him next time thereโ€™s a get together they can drive the distance to my house. Knowing full well she will come, but heโ€™ll make an excuse not to come with.

  42. this might not be the best thing to do but i had to adopt the final solution : CIRCUMCISE !!!! i ve been 1 year no contact with them and oh i do enjoy my peace of mind more than anything. But again , may be not the best solution for every one specially for those who have kids . bless you doctor and happy narc proof holidays ๐Ÿ™‚

  43. You really help out a lot! I hope that you could make a video of when you have broken the contact and how to start your healing journey

  44. Dr. Ramani you are a narc survivor yourself, I realised through this video.. I liked this one a lot because I am right now in this very situation. Narcissistic family origins and married into a family with NPD!! And inlaws are here now.. I have found my north.. Art, meditation and dance.. No matter what happens every day I focus on my precious kids, my north and my talents and I know that I am building my own secret empire bit by bit. Going no contact for the last 1 year has been my greatest success with these crazy humans around me.. I have stopped 'giving', stopped talking and i conserve my energies that way and focus on what I can create and that is healing me. I have woken up and started moving away. I thank you and God endlessly ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™ I know all the narcs around me are completely confused about my sudden silence but i told them nothing except that life is busy and thats my biggest victory as of now โœŒ๏ธโœŒ๏ธโœŒ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ

  45. No one will give the narcissist any opportunity to insult them at holidays, and you can see her repeatedly trying to. No one really will be in private with her, so she can't be sneaky with her insults either. I've noticed that she handles this by drinking. Hahaha

  46. My narcissistic aunt often gives me and my siblings different values of Christmas/Birthday gifts depending on who accepts her actions more and who is more easily manipulated. Is this a characteristic of a narc?

  47. My narcisstic husband leaves our Christmas Party always round about 9 pm and goes to sleep. In former times I was really upset because I thought me and our 2 children should do as he does …. haha – since 3 or 4 years we say โ€žgood nightโ€œ to hin very politely, putting on our jackets, gloves and have a nice Christmas Evening walk through our community where we live, looking to all the nice Christmas trees, families, wondering how they celebrate the evening, then we really enjoy the silence on the streets, going to our little church (a place my husband would never enter), and get a real feeling of what Christmas is all about: Children, Care for other people, Faith, and the feeling that you are not alone. When we come back home again, we play a game and eat the yummy dessert I prepared especially for us 3 – so I converted the nightmare of devaluation into a very precious time for my 2 children and me…. Bang ! ๐Ÿคฉ๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŒŸ Happy holidays for all of you ๐Ÿ’•

  48. Explaining to my husband (boyfriend at the time) what to expect when he went home with me (14 hours away) for Christmas was a hard conversation & I think he kinda thought I was a bit crazy as I tried to explain family systems & structures. Because explaining crazy can make you sound crazy. However, preparing him for what he would face helped him to avoid dangerous areas and navigate carefully around my mother (the narc). Once he was there he was able to recognize what I had explained to him would occur & he was able to deal with her very well. He has continued to be able to deal with her throughout the last 19 years. Really having a conversation with him beforehand was very helpful. I wasnโ€™t as stressed because I had warned him what to expect & since we had been talking about marriage he was going to have to see it at some point. If we had lived closer I would have not picked Christmas time as his first introduction, because my mother is especially bad at Christmas time. So, Iโ€™m a firm believer in really communicating with whoever you are taking about what they can expect.

  49. After listening to this, i really don't think i have a problem with a narcissist. It all sounds so petty. Try dealing with a truly abusive and toxic family dynamic and you'll be glad if just dealing with a narcissist!

  50. I have a question. I find that I tell how I bought something, if it was difficult to buy. How much it costs. I never used to do this but find I need to validate myself with certain people (narcs) to get their approval. Has anyone else done things like this?

  51. A narcissist is just arguing because they are in a mood! Their arguments go nowhere!!!๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„Thatโ€™s the difference between a Narcissists arguing and a person who is seriously passionate about a specific topic!!!!๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

  52. My ex used to insult me and argue with me the whole way till get to the Christmas or Thanksgiving place.
    2016 there was no gifts for my kids on Christmas …. it was his way to punish me . He always said : โ€œ you are so annoying you want a Christmas like a JCPenney ad โ€œ Well he made a really shitty one for us . Always fighting about the amount of gifts , money , hours of dinners and simple stuff , on top of that it was hell he had 2 weeks off for Christmas …..Why ????๐Ÿ˜ซ

  53. Pithy comebacks. Such an important point as most empaths fold emotionally, just before this point. You could do an entire video on pithy comeback ideas.

  54. Itโ€™s not only in the United States that discussing politics leads to inflamed emotions. We have exactly the same problem here in Germany. Perfectly relational people turn into enraged children at the mention of certain words, or subjects. You canโ€™t even talk around a subject anymore. There are so many elephants in the room, itโ€™s truly uncomfortable. This phenomenon is totally redrawing boundaries within friendships and families, and the worst of it is that many people agree with one another, but are so emotional they canโ€™t listen for long enough to realise they are on the same side.
    I want to return to a situation where we can all discuss the problems in our societies without coming to blows. My fear is there will probably be a boiling over of some kind before people sober up and come to their senses.

    Anyway, Merry Christmas, everyone.

  55. Dr. Romani, thank you again for another brilliant video!
    In all honesty, I am absolutely dreading this year's Christmas with my mom's husband again. You mentioned focusing on the children as true north, such wise advice. However, last year Christmas morning whileb my son was opening his gifts in the family room, my mother's husband insisted on listening to his iPad blaring Fox News volume full blast while my son was opening his gifts. When I asked him to please put in headphones or at least go into the other room with his iPad, he turned it into a full-on political debate and started demeaning me about my differing political views ( not that I actually have any, I'm a humanitarian first and foremost). It was such a nightmare trying to navigate. All I was requesting was peaceful respect in the common area to focus on the joy of Christmas as a family and he couldn't even turn off his iPad!

  56. Went to my mom's house my mom is a narcissist what she gave us for Christmas was a picture of herself I do not want a picture of her sit of herself all I wanted was to eat dinner but that was not the way it was

  57. Thank you, YOU are a true blessing. I married into a hoard of RABID, yes, rabid narcs, that attacked me ( and my kids) from all directions sadly for years. Husband wouldnโ€™t take strong enough stand & let me twist in the wind alone, also didnโ€™t like my โ€œFUโ€™s I donโ€™t need you attitude โ€œ to them.๐Ÿ˜ณ28+ years , last 10 years little contact on holidays. They try every tactic to get us to come to be their prey. Merry Christmas! ๐Ÿ˜„

  58. Thankyou Dr Ramani. It was only yesterday that I got off the phone from my Narc father in tears. I had slipped over in the kitchen, causing a big bloody gash above my eye that needed stitches. Instead of accepting my accident for what it was he decided it must have had something to do with my 20 yr old son whom lives with me and proceeded to grill me over the phone while my son sat close by and my bloody father knew it. I cant get it out of my head. The pain i feel for my son who has essentially beenn blamed for my clumsiness is very difficult to deal with. I don't know whether to confront my father. If he did it to me I may be able to forget but because this is my son I feel very protective over him. What to do when somebody you love is the victim of a narc? Mind you growi g up I was my fathers victim and still am as well

  59. Both mother n law and father n law are extremely narcissistic, over the past 9yrs I have dealt with them during holidays and gatherings. Iโ€™ve recently felt enough courage to play their same game, is this what they want, am I becoming what they are.

    Theyโ€™ve looked down on me since dating their daughter 10yrs ago. Since the birth of my son they now they come around more because of him, is it normal for me to think they only care about my son but look down on me.

    They always reference the situation โ€œI know what pushes your buttons, and want a reaction out of youโ€.
    I really want to keep my son away from them, theyโ€™re constantly teasing him and see it as being funny, this is my wifeโ€™s parents what am I supposed to do???

  60. Last year I was berated and called all sorts of terrible things (delusional, liar, pathetic, loser, told i should kill myself, etc) when the narcissist decided to pick on me last Christmas. It was a full on rant in front of the entire family and tried to kick me out of the house at night during a snowstorm. Good times ๐Ÿ˜‚

  61. I avoid most family gatherings with my partners family. After years of being on the receiving end of their abuse and drama I have opted out. My partner says it makes her uncomfortable for her not to have me go along. I finally realized that she didnโ€™t really care about how uncomfortable I was and did little to deflect her obnoxious relatives.

  62. Several yrs ago my mother got angry at me at the Christmas get together. She called me a few days later. During the conversation she kept saying that she couldn't enjoy herself with me there. When I asked why she claimed it was because I fought with my sister all the time.(Not one fight). Now she acts hurt that I'm not coming to the get togethers,playing the victim, dents what she said & now I'm a horrible daughter. I spend the holidays alone,lonely & upset. I no longer feel like a part of the family. I feel ostracized & rejected. She's spending it with my grandchildren while I'm alone missing them but I'm the evil one because I'm hurting my dear mother so much.

  63. My father is a super rich successful narcissist. I see him rarely. My parents are divorced. Whenever he talks to me I just talk over the top of him and tell him I'm glad he's not part of my life and that I have nothing else to say to him.

  64. I love your videos! Wish I had them 10 years ago.
    After having my son my MIL came to town much more often. My husband would always make sure we were at her beck and call while she was here… and then he would leave me alone with her while he talked to anyone else outside or in another room.

    She has since passed which was also a confusing experience to go through. The sadness mixed with feelings of profound relief after a narcissist passes on might be a good video!

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