“Canal Boating For Beginners” – A Narrowboat Film

“Canal Boating For Beginners” – A Narrowboat Film


My first Closed Captions.
Any feedback? ๐Ÿ™‚ [Sound of laptop lid closing] Ah, good day I’m Kevin Shelley, though some of you may also know
me as Country House Gent. Just recently, I paid a visit to a local
charity shop and there, hiding in a dark dusty corner,
I found an old reel of cine film. Naturally I was curious as to what this contained, so after much time and expense, I had
it transferred to digital. Imagine my surprise and delight then,
upon realising that I’d actually uncovered a lost and previously forgotten piece of archive
footage, called “Canal Boating For Beginners”. So why not pull up a chair, pour
yourself a drink, kick back and enjoy this rare glimpse into canal life,
in the 1920’s. [Old film hiss and noise] [Countdown beeps] [Music – Old style Big Band Jazz] [Music – Old style Orchestra]
[Narration – Posh army major] This is a canal, winding it’s way through
England’s green and pleasant land beautiful isn’t it? And this is canal boating, a pleasurable activity, enjoyed by many fine and upstanding
members of polite society. [Music end] [Music – dreary and downbeat] Unfortunately, the canals also attract
the less desirable sorts, of the type that like to indulge in
depraved and sordid acts within the privacy of their
own squalid homes. [Music end] [Old film hiss} Here comes one now. A jaunty fellow isn’t he? But don’t allow that jolly exterior
to fool you for a moment, because underneath hides a horrid
and despicable disability – being left-handed. So you’ve bought your first
shiny new narrowboat? Though judging by your sort, it’s
probably not so new and shiny !! Still, you love her all the same.
And so you should, she’s a beauty !!! Now I suppose you’ll be wanting
to know the correct procedure, when taking one’s first
tentative steps, along England’s inland waterways? “Cor blimey guvner, you’re right
and all and a plate of jellied eels to yer. I suppose I is wondering what to do
before taking my first tintuitive steps along England’s
green and pleasant waterways.” Well before we do anything else, firstly we have to ensure that one has
appraised oneself of the correct attire. Very good, a sturdy pair of
work boots. And a rugged pair of trousers. Ah that’s good to see. Clearly one
has been doing one’s homework. A warm insulated shirt. Ah, but what’s this? Oh dear.
It’s a Captain’s hat isn’t it? Nothing is more guaranteed to
strike the fear of God into other canal users, as it simply
implies that the wearer hasn’t the first clue as to
what he’s doing !! Throw it away. Yes, that’s better. Invariably, the enthusiastic canal
enthusiast, prefers the simple warmth and protection, of a
flat cap. Typically worn at a curious, yet
amusing angle. Now with that formality out of
the way, and after ensuring that the fire is well stoked
and that the engine has built up a good head
of steam, we begin by untying the ropes. This
is known in nautical terms as untying the ropes – remembering
to keep ahold of the rope at all times when ashore. Now make your way to the sharp end. This is known, as the bow. Steady now !! After pushing orf, now you’re
ready to step aboard. Once succesfully aboard, we can
at last get under way. To do so, simply open the
regulator and engage the transmission. [Music – Old style orchestra] And congratulations, we’re moving
at last. Now you can relax. Enjoy the
scenery. Beautiful isn’t it? [Music – End] But wait. What’s this ?1? [Music – Dramatic piano] Another craft is heading towards you, in a dangerous life threatening
collision. Don’t panic. In the British Isles, we pass
approaching craft, on the right. So move the craft gently
over to the right. That’s it, nice and steady. And congratulations.
[Music – Happy orchestra] You’ve successfuly managed to
avert your first major disaster. Now you can relax a tad and continue
to enjoy the splendid scenery. [Music end] [Announcer]
We apologise profusely for interrupting your regular
scheduled programming. However, we now bring to you,
a series of educational yet informative, product
placements. A segment one shall simply
be referring to as Advertisement Break. [Voice Over]
This canal boater’s having a restless night. This canal boater however
is sleeping soundly. That’s because he drinks Glenloch Whiskey !! Sleep soundly, drink
Glenloch Whiskey. [Voice Over]
This man is over 25, yet somehow he manages to
stay looking young and healthy. So what’s his secret ? Naturally he excercises regularly. And of course he consumes
nutritious and delicious meals. But that’s not it. Ah, good man. Stay young, stay healthy. Smoke Smedleys Low Tar
Cigarettes. [Voice Over]
Informative ! Entertaining. Distracting. Relaxing. Towpath Talk, thoroughly absorbing ! [Announcer] Now we return to your
regular scheduled programming. [Music – Old style orchestra] Now you’re starting to get the hang
of it and beginning to look the part. But wait, what’s this !?! [Music – Dramatic piano] Another canal user has
moored up for the evening at the side of the canal. So what are you going to do? Close the regulator and approach dead-slow.
[Music end] Thus ensuring that the fine and
upstanding occupants, won’t be disturbed.
[Old style orchestra] Now the cheery fellows,are
free to continue enjoying their afternoon tea. And congratulations, you’ve
succesfully managaged not to annoy other canal users. One now imagines that after
all that excitement, one feels a trifle exhausted?
[Music end] And now is the best time to begin
looking for a suitable mooring. Yes, this spot looks good. Slowdown the vessel and approach
the side of the mooring at a crawl. Once ashore, the canal enthusiast
is presented with a bewildering array of mooring options. In order to choose the correct one,
firstly one should examine the edge of the canal. In this case, we’re presented with
a sturdy metal barrier. Now we’re able to choose the
correct mooring option. No you imbecile !! Yes, that’s it. The chain. Yeeeesssss. Simply feed the smaller of the 2 rings
behind the barrier and then feed the small ring
through the large ring and pull tight. Now feed the rope through
the smaller of the two rings. Now pull the rope through. And then simply step aboard
and tie orf. This is known as tying orf. Tidy now !! [Music – Old time Jazz]
And congratulations, you’ve succesfully managed
to cover a mile of England’s Inland Waterways. Now you’re free to retire for
the evening and indulge in whatever depraved and sordid
acts your sort like to enjoy within the privacy of your own
squalid homes. “Well stone me cockles guvner
and bless me apples and pairs, you’re a right good sort, and a plate
of jellied eels to yer. I’m now off to enjoy whatever
depraved and sordid acts, my type, such as myself, like
to enjoy, within the privacy of our own squalid homes.” In future, before setting orf down
England’s Inland Waterways, remember this simple phrase, “MOSDMU” Move Over. Slow Down. Moor Up. [Music – playing out with old
style jazz piano, horn, clarinet] [Music end] [Old film – hiss and noise] Well that was an excellent find
wasn’t it? And if you enjoyed watching,
half as much as I did, then I enjoyed watching it,
twice as much as you. Cheers for now and
Merry Christmas everybody.

100 thoughts on ““Canal Boating For Beginners” – A Narrowboat Film

  1. you sir are a legend that was absalutly brilliant ….o.m.g wasen't exspecting that lol …have a great christmas and an even better 2019 …jeez i'm smiling after watching that awsome

  2. Spiffing find CHG – celuloid is such a fragile medium so well done you for preserving this vital contribution to the national heritage. Overtones of Rawlinson End ? Have a good Christmas and a better New Year Kevin.

  3. Enjoyed this from across the pond. Made me smile. Hoping one day get to use this information on the cut myself. Great advice, skip the captains hat.

  4. Top effort! Much appreciated – always nice to have a chuckle now and then!
    Merry Christmas to you Country House Gent.

  5. Thanks a lot Kevin, that really was a lovely video, you're a brillant actor, if Hollywood would know about you, you would have a hard choise to make I think, which would be 1/ staying on your boat, or 2/ moving to Hollywood, I'm sure that that would be a very hard choise to make. I hope you stay here, and present us with some more of your quality videos. Atb, Peter.

  6. Most excellent find Mr Shelley. It has brightened up a less popular time of year for me. Don't forget to put out the mince pies for Santa. Steady as she goes!

  7. I thought you had gone to somewhere where you made people pay fr your holiday ,? Nice to see people doing what they enjoy, bit old hat comedy, tho.

  8. well done with the 8mm.well thought out and entertaining.hope the bad times are behind you and you have a better future.merry Christmas and a happy new 2019.

  9. Merry Xmas CHG, and what ever you have been drinking I would like some, hope next year is better, less traumatic and painful

  10. I'm sorry but I could not understand that, as my head was so full of fluffy kittens and cute puppies. That is the way with those of us with a more feminine attitude. Oops forgot that I am a man there, just for a second.

  11. Excellent film! My Southern accented English (Georgia) appreciates the captioning. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you Kevin.

  12. Hi Kevin. Loved this video…well done. As promised about 3 months ago, Iโ€™ve finally subscribed to your Vimeo series. Happy New Year to you Kevin and May 2019 be your best yet. Cheers from Down Under.

  13. I doubt that I will ever need this valuable information, because we have very few canals in Michigan. All the same, it was an enjoyable watch, but might have been even better if you had included the intricacies of dealing with a staircase lock. Perhaps in the next round?

  14. Hey Kevin, I'm trying to find your video containing your recipe for your version of sausage casserole. Like you I live on a boat and have used your recipe a few times but now I am having difficulty finding the video. Grateful if you could direct me to it. Thanks, Paul

  15. Thanks for the tour of Newark including its church and castle. The castle was deeded to a fortunate Catholic bishop – 800 years ago by a King Henry the something. What a rich history for the beautiful city Newark in Nottinhamshire.

  16. You had me hook, line and sinker for the first few seconds then that newbie narrow boat owner looked a little familiar. Well done and it' s good to see that you've been back for a while. I had subscribed a ways back well before I understood what the bell was for, so my last a video of you was when you said you were leaving YouTube. All the best, a belated Happy New Year and may every day be better than the best day you had last year.

  17. I hape Iโ€™ve not caught you in the middle of some depraved act, if so go and wash your hands then pay attention to me. That archive film is one of a collection spanning the lives and work of you depraved types and shows how generously you are treated and how happy go lucky your lives are thanks to gentlemen like me. Now go and find the other filims and…put them on to the screen, theres a good chap.

  18. Only just discovered this Kevin – you had me going there for the first minute – absolutely brilliant!! Also very nicely worked and "antiqued"! And the adverts – haven't laughed so loud in weeks!! Magic – thank you! ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. Haha this is wonderful. I thought a young Eric Morecambe was making a guest appearance at about 2:30.

  20. YOU should go to Hollywood ………… The walk will do you good ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, seriously tho i was very amused …….. your wasted

  21. Ha! Lovinโ€™ the absurdity of it all. Lol. Found your Amazon shows this week and decided to meander over to YouTube for a peek into your videos here. Have always thought a narrow boat life is intriguing. Wish we had better maintained canals from the old days in USA. Most went into disrepair when trains came. I find myself shaking my head and laughing in disbelief at your entertaining antics!
    Cheers!

  22. Just viewed this. I thought it was real. Loved the music but then the narrator's voice sounded a little familiar…hmmm. You are a hoot Kevin.

  23. I listen – See what people are doing and get Idea's that I think would be good "For Me" if I were in that same position. I'm watching Season 4 Ep. 2 about 20 min. into the program. You are at a wide lock and tell about starting to fill from the far side first to try to keep Aslan from getting Knocked About by the current. If you took a line with 2 "S" hooks and a small pulley or Carabiner and toss one "S" hook over the top ladder rung and lower it back down. Then take both up to the top rung and hook them in place. Have a short line from the top of the cabin to the pulley or Carabiner and as the lock fills it will let Aslan rise up without all of the slack in the rope to "Get Knocked About". You have just have to make sure that you've connected to the outside rope on the ladder. You do have to make sure that you have the rope long enough for the deepest lock and take the slack out at the top rung. May be too much work but sitting at the computer it's easy in my mind to put a Slip Knot to handle the slack.

  24. Kevin, Who was that rather handsome young man with his winning ways in that old film? I believe he may have had a future in the movies. And possibly YouTube.

  25. I now feel fully informed and enthused. And to think one might indulge in a bit of squalidity on the "cut" is highly encouraging! (in discreet privacy of course). Lol! Geat work Kevin. ๐Ÿ™‚

  26. Always nice to find a gem like this I missed along the way with CountryHouseGent. Here it is December 2019 and finding these is like Christmas already.

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